BiSDAK ADVENTURES: WHY ANTS IN BISAYA FLY

Culture-shocked.  Well that sums up my first days in Luzon.

The typical Bisaya.

When I spoke Tagalog, I felt uneasy and disturbed.  I was always laughed at because of my innate tendency to release my Bisaya accent.

Living in Luzon was like living in a primetime TV soap opera, and I was the alienated flower vase.

I felt much better speaking English, though, but when people talk to me in Filipino, I feel the urge to talk back in Filipino as a sign of respect, no matter how clumsy I may sound when using it.  And then I'd end up the laughing stock since my accent gives me away.  Always.

I became like a foreigner in my own country.  An alien.  An outcast.  It's so different when a Bisaya goes to Tagalog-landia.  He makes the effort to adapt and be understood.  On the other hand, when a Tagalog gets lost in the Visayas region, the Bisayas whom he encounters are still the ones who adapt and try to understand him.  We, Bisayas, could speak English and Filipino aside from the Visayan dialect.  That sums to at least three languages.  Tagalogs, at least only two.  By this fact, Bisayas are the ones that have to adapt then, as Tagalogs can't be taught to speak Bisaya overnight.  Yet we Bisayas get the most bashing and humiliation when we do.  Such a pity.

"Totoo ba na ang langgam sa Bisaya ay lumilipad?" [Is it true that an ant in Bisaya can fly?]

I am always asked this question.  And I always say the same answer -- yes.  Pun intended.

True, there are a lot of words in the Filipino language that are similar to Bisaya, but of a different meaning.

Langgam is an ant in Filipino, while langgam in Bisaya is a bird.  Deal with it.

Here's more.

Pating is a shark in Filipino, while pating is a dove in Bisaya.

Here's my favorite (This one never fails to make me laugh).

Libog is a state of horniness in Filipino, while libog is a state of confusion in Bisaya.

TAGALOG: Libog ako! [I am horny!]

BISAYA: Nalibog ko! [I am confused!]

Oh you should have seen the faces of Tagalogs when at times I'd speak Bisaya with another Bisaya friend in front of them and use the word, libog, a lot.  Their eyes are about to pop out of their sockets.

Another of my favorite would be the pronunciation of English words ending in -le.  You can pretty much distinguish a Tagalog from a Bisaya by letting them say these following words:

Triangle: Tagalog [trayanggel], Bisaya [trayanggol]
Tricycle: Tagalog [traysikel], Bisaya [traysikol]
Eagle: Tagalog [ee-gel], Bisaya [ee-gol]

"HAHAHAHA! Traysikol daw o, hahaha.."

"Baliw ka, eh traysikol yan i-pronounce sa Bisaya eh.  Eh yung mansanas sa inyo, ano? Appel??? Appel, ganun??? Ay yung damit mo kulay Purpel???"

"___"

My newfound Tagalog friends had a great laugh teaching me Tagalog vulgar words and words of the naughty origin.  Sometimes they would be talking about sex jokes and I'd be the one left hanging in air without the slightest idea what they were talking about.

"What's tinggil?" I innocently asked a colleague, who was a Born-Again Christian.  No one else bothered to answered me, but they all just laughed hysterically at my question.  Well, I ended up asking Google instead, and lucky for me I did not ask the tinggil question to a woman, else I wanted a slap.  [tinggil = clitoris, O hail Google for saving me!]

"Putang ina mo.." [Son of a bitch]

"You sound gay man.  Say it with the 'ummf' feeling.. make it strong like this. PUTANG INA MO!!! Again."

They are good friends, really, taking the time and effort to teach me. Putang ina, I am so blessed.

Three years fast forward, I think I can confidently say that I have finally mastered the skill of masking my Bisaya accent -- you will never know I am Bisaya unless I tell you.

And still, everytime I reveal to them that I am Bisaya, they would always squirm in amazement.

"You don't sound Bisaya at all!"

Should I accept that as a complement, or a direct insult to the Bisayan populace?

"Really?" [insert puppy eyes and crooked smile here].

"Yeah, really!  Well, I have a question.  Totoo ba na ang langgam sa Bisaya ay lumilipad?"

Oh dear, here we go again.